20 QUESTIONS WITH... Joe Lynn Turner

You know, lets just start off by saying there aren't a whole lot of Joe Lynn Turner photos floating around the internet that are of a decent size. They are all these little tiny midget like photos. Oh well, deal with it.

Anyways, this week's 20 Questions is obviously with Joe Lynn Turner. Everybody's favorite Englishman Stuart Smith hooked us up with JLT, so naturally we have to plug Joe was the singer for Rainbow, Yngwie J. Malmsteen (don't forget the "J"), and Deep Purple, plus he does his own solo stuff and even did a few songs with Stuart Smith, but don't hold that against him!

1. What are you currently up? This is your only chance to plug your shit!

Joe Lynn Turner: Currently I am writing for a new C.D. to be recorded in the spring... otherwise "Under Cover 2" (Schrapnel) has been released in the states recently ... "Hurry Up and Wait" as well as my back catalog will be available here soon, and as I said before I'm a pretty busy guy doing all sorts of projects. Please check out my web-site for any and all information... in case you couldn't figure it out.

2. Have you ever enjoyed the benefits of viagra?

Yeah, once, it got stuck in my throat and I got a stiff neck for a few hours, and my tonsils got as hard as marbles!

3. Stuart Smith hooked us up with you, so our question is, on a scale of 1 to 10, how annoying is Stuart?

On a scale of 1 to10 Stuart is an 11!!!!! Other than that Stuart is a nice chap, great cook, and a hell of a guitar player!

4. Any truth to the rumor that you played at the Boston Tea Party?

No, I missed that one but I did sing the national anthem at George Washingtons inaugural.

5. Rate the following singers on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being somebody who sucks, and 10 being somebody who is incredible.

David Coverdale... I actually like his voice so I rate him a 9
Vince Neil... You are kidding right? O.K. a 2
Bret Michaels... you guys are really funny! 3 he's a better actor.
Jani Lane... Personally a good guy, vocally 4
Sebastian Bach... Sab can sing I give him a 7-8
Steven Tyler... Great style! A 9
Ian Gillian... Classic mentor, 8-9
David Lee Roth... It's not about singing with Dave, I give him a 10 for delivery!
Ronnie James Dio... Gentleman of rock, a gothic 9
Kelly Hanson... Kelly is great and very under rated, he gets a solid 9

6. There's a red button in front of you. If you push it, you will become the world's biggest rock star, drop-dead gorgeous, and have the money you'd ever need. But every time you take a piss, it will feel like a scalding hot iron is being forced into your urinary tract. Would you push the button?

I keep pushing the button but all I get is the burn! What happened to the other 3?

7. Have you ever experimented with a toupee or hair transplants?

Yeah, sure I have, everybody did in the days of hair bands... now I just have one for my pubic and ass region...... it drives the girls crazy!

8. You sang background vocals on a variety of albums from Cher to Lita Ford to even Don Johnson! Which one of them had the weakest voice that needed the most help?

They needed a little help... it's a wonder what multi-tracking can do... a little adjustment here and there... Don is the weakest of all though.

9. What hard rock/heavy metal band should give it up and call it a day?

There are too many to print... next question.

10. Rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a mess, and 10 being a hottie.
This is a totally surperficial question and you are going to get very superficial answers...

Lita Ford = I'll give her an 8 for personal reasons
Pamela Anderson = she gets 1-10 she is all of the above
Courtney Love = HOLE!... 0
Britney Spears = Pubescent 9... let's see what happens
Tawney Kitaen = 8 more personal reasons... very designing!!!
Cher = "Where is my valiium" 5
Heather Locklear = She is a total 10 she's got it all!
Jessica Hahn = Who?1
RuPaul = What a babe! 11
Shannon Tweed = Better to ask Gene

11. How many chicks have you approximately had sex with?

Break out your calculator... keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going your just about there, now pay alot of alimony and go back to square one.

12. Assuming you ran into a genuine genie (who refused to work for free), what is the most you would spend to:

A. Have personally brought Marilyn Monroe back to life through mouth-to-mouth resucitation? $she was worth the bank roll.
B. Arrest and convict Jon Benet's killer? $Everything we both have!
C. To keep a 16 year old girl from becoming pregnant? $Priceless
D. To have your next album go triple platinum and tour with Limp Bizkit? $Who do I have to blow but lets drop the limp bizkit shit.

13. It seems like you've played with everyone at one time or another. Is there anybody left you'd like to record with that you haven't so far?

Yeah, the pope!

14. What rock star deserves a smack in the mouth and why?

Most of them do for their no talent, cocky, arrogant attitudes.

15. Time for memory lane! What do you remember about the following years?

1865: The 1st four numbers of my social security.
1942: Received the metal of honor
1975: Got busted with Timothy Leary
1985: Somewhere over the Rainbow
1990: Met the ball and chain .... the color PURPLE
1995: I can't remember... does anybody else know?
1997: I was deep "Under Cover"

16. Can a California man be legally married to his widow's sister?

If she's dead too! You guys are fucked up! Who thinks of this crap!

(NOTE: Joe's the first one to figure that question out.)

17. Will you go down a chick on the rag?

Well, it all depends... Who's the chick?

18. Who's the most overrated band today?

Pick one! Most of them are.

19. Give us an example of how much of a dick Yngwie Malmsteen could be.

How far can you hold out your arms?... Have you ever heard of John Holmes? Sometimes it was hard to tell where the man stopped and the dick started!

20. Time for Metal Sludge's Word Association. We mention a name and you give us your thoughts.

Yngwie Malmsteen / CONFUSED!
Ritchie Blackmore / Isolated
Korn.. Isn't that something you find in shit?
Stuart Smith / Self Promoting
Vince Neil / Lost
David Lee Roth / Ringmaster
Carmine Appice / Married to the Mob
Paul Stanly / Bi-Costal
Leslie West / The perfect wedding guest
Bret Michaels / Lights, Pamela, Action honey!

Metal Sludge, Januari 2000